Everyone who comes to me with problems carries the solutions within.
The main reason we find it difficult to solve our inner problems is that we find it uncomfortable just thinking about them.
Psychological problems can be seen as symptoms of an underlying inner conflict, in which at least two different wills within us are working against each other.
Like a magnet with two poles, a balanced magnetic field is created:
“I want to forgive… but I can’t!”, “I want to exercise… but I don’t have the energy!”.
We all experience this inner division every day when we´re struggling with committing going to the gym; not working so late; not eating out so much; being helpful to our spouse; completing projects; avoiding foods; etc.
If you have trouble adhering to principles or upholding habits, try this:
- Outline your problem as a conflict with at least two separate teams of wills, desires, or voices even—fighting against each other.
- Put yourself in the role of defense lawyer for the side you don’t want to see win—the devil.
- Steel man the devil’s arguments and try to understand how this side actually has a point.
The side we want to see win rarely needs a defender.
The devil’s advocate mainly allows the opposing side to speak its piece and asks question without assumptions about it being completely reprehensible—but actually have something important to say.
This is an intellectual exercise to help you surface your hidden commitments. You might find it easy to do for some problems and harder for others. Let me know if you have questions or want to schedule a coaching session.
With love,
Thomas
